If women really are from Venus and men from Mars, then it’s no wonder communication is often an obstacle. Couples spend their lives trying to bridge the gap between being heard and finding compromises that work for both parties involved, but this often takes a lot of work.
In some cases, relationship counselling melbourne couples utilise for better communication tools has to be employed to create harmony or even save the relationship. Whether or not you and your partner have reached this stage, here are some tools you can use to better communicate with your significant other in an effort to get your point across and understand theirs.
6 Tips to Better Communication with Your Partner
Determine a Common End Goal to Every Discussion
It’s always helpful to speak about what common goal you are both moving toward before you even start the discussion. Begin your conversation with something akin to, “The point of this discussion for me, it that we…” and give a conclusive goal to the conversation. If your partner has a different goal in mind, try to understand that goal and see if you can both find common ground in the objective.
Be an Active Listener
Active listening involves several actions that make the other person feel heard. This can include asking questions after a statement to gain clarity, repeating what was said in terms of how you heard it, and making certain body gestures that show you are listening.
Active listening gets to the resolution more quickly because both parties feel that they are being heard, understood, and empathised with—regardless of whether there’s agreement on either side.
Take Notes to Avoid Interruptions
You may at some points feel the urge to interrupt your partner while they are speaking. This is unhelpful in most cases, which is why it’s always good to keep a notepad and pen nearby. This helps you to remember points mentioned by your partner while they were speaking, and lets you come back to them later to address them without having to interrupt.
Consciously Control Your Tone
You never want to come across as resentful, sarcastic, or facetious while discussing something important with your partner. This makes them feel like they are not heard and minimises their emotions & opinions during the discussion. Be conscious about how you sound when you speak and keep your tone calm, loving, and empathetic.
Stick to the Matter at Hand
Veering off the topic will end up in a messy argument that allows you both to vent, but does not resolve the issue. Having a fight can be healthy in some cases, but if an issue is important enough that you both want it resolved, staying on point is crucial. Remember that certain issues that are perhaps unrelated to the issue being discussed can always be put on the backburner for the time being. Stay focused on the subject at hand and try not to digress.
Don’t Start a Discussion in Anger
Check your emotions before you start a conversation with your partner. If you start a conversation because you are angry, the discussion will most likely end up in a fight. If you take the time to deal with your emotional state before you discuss the issue, it will allow you a more objective viewpoint.
Benefits of Consulting a Couples’ Therapist for Learning Communication Skills
Couples who are hitting a barrier in their communication efforts often benefit from having a third party involved. A professional who has the capacity to spot problems as they happen, can help you and your partner in a guided discussion that implements these and other communication tools.
Both parties should feel heard, and a professional couples’ therapist can encourage this by mediating the discussion from start to finish. Better yet, a therapist will give you and your partner tools that can be used at home to further establish a good connection that fosters effective communication and long-lasting love between you both.
Finally, a therapist is adept at giving you both an impartial viewpoint and pointing out where one of you may be unconstructive in your approach to a problem. This is especially true when children are involved, since either of you may have different opinions on how to approach any given situation. Evaluating both sides gives a therapist that you both trust, the capacity and space to guide you both in your joint decision making.
Final Thoughts
The goal of any communication session between you and your partner is to establish a deeper connection as you tackle problems and find solutions. Whether your problems are financial, emotional, or child related; learning basic communication skills can help bridge the gap between someone who thinks completely differently to what you do.
Keep those communication channels open and encourage a loving connection with your partner by showing that you care about how they see things. Then speak to them about how you’ve learned to communicate and encourage them to do the same.